J.J. Nikitin “Flushed”

J.J. Nikitin 
"Flushed"

 

 

Released: 20 May 2014

 

 

Blurb:
 

Captain Flatus Codswallup needs ten-year-old Lucas’s help getting his sewer-sailing ship seaworthy, and flushes him as a new recruit. Lucas learns it’s not all toots and giggles as a pirate in the sewer when threats of mutiny strike. Lucas must decide between saving Flatus’s butt and getting home before his plumber father misses him. But when the pirate ship falls under attack, Lucas learns who Flatus’s sworn enemies are. Plumbers like Dad! Now Lucas has to choose a side that doesn’t get everybody killed as plumbers and pirates meet in the messiest battle the sewers have ever seen.

 

About the Author:

J.J. Nikitin is a pharmacist by night, author by day, and a fulltime pirate at heart. J.J. stays sane as a writer thanks to Absolute Write and keeps her noggin functioning as an active member of American Mensa. J.J. lives in Phoenix, Arizona with the best landlubber family any pirate could wish for..

 

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Excerpt:

Lucas sat at his tiny school desk, trying desperately to focus on the exam and not his digestion. The greasy hair-netted lunch lady had sabotaged him. Who served double-bean burritos before silent test-taking time? The only thing worse would be double-bean burritos directly before PE-class partnered sit-ups.

His stomach gurgled, and he felt air moving down his intestines. It was only a matter of time before he burst. And in this silent classroom of test-takers, it would be embarrassing. Lucas mentally shrugged. When was he ever embarrassed of passing gas? Burping? Never.

Why would he care? He was nearly twelve years old. His buddies burped more than he did. He didn't care what girls thought. He was the perfect age to appreciate his mud-wallowing, belch-issuing, turd-producing body. After all, everybody had bodily functions. And these were about to blast him to the moon any second.

Whatever moved through Lucas's insides made him squirm. He looked to the left and saw red-headed Tabitha, oblivious to his discomfort. To the other side was Chuck, a baseball buddy. He knew what was up, since the baseball guys ate burritos together at lunch. Lucas crossed his legs and bit his lip while Chuck mimed a laugh.

He clenched his butt-cheeks together, attempting to finish his math test before exploding. He finished up the last question, double-checked it… It was a habit engrained in him, and most of the world, to suppress nature. Silence your toots. Cover your burps. Say excuse me.

Nature had its own piece to say about it. And at the moment, its voice sounded like a gurgling juicy toot. Frraaapp. The silent room seemed even more silent in the wake of his noisy outburst. Time stopped.

Lucas wondered whether to look around proudly to see who'd heard him, or if he should carry on like nothing had ever happened. He smirked, let his pride get the best of him, and looked around the room at the wide-eyed horrified faces of his classmates.

Elderly Mrs. Anthony barely raised her eyes from her desk as she spoke.

"Excuse yourself, Lucas."

"Why? It's nature."

"It's polite, Lucas. Class, carry on with your exam. Time has not stopped for this disruption. Excuse yourself and continue with your exam, Lucas." Mrs. Anthony let her glasses slide down her nose and gave Lucas a look over the frames.