Too much of anything is bad listen to how Jean breaks down how to handle the dialogue plight so many writers face.
Writing dialogue
Too much narration, that’s my crime.
“Show, don’t tell,” said the editor…all editors! Action, not exposition! I like to write dialogue to show instead of tell. But dialogue can be tricky. Do you write the way we speak or differently? I was writing the way I speak and the dialogue slowed down to a crawl. Help! I found a great article from Writer’s Digest called, “The Seven Tools of Dialogue” and it changed my writing completely, winning me three book contracts.
I use some of the tools directly and made up some of my own, based on the advice of the article and what works for me. The article talks about letting dialogue flow, just write, write it all down as fast as you can. Don’t edit as you go, get it on paper. Afterward, read it aloud or to yourself or both and then begin editing. I write dialogue that way, going with the flow.
Doorstops
I try to eliminate what I call “doorstops” to dialogue, phrases stopping dialogue in its tracks, slowing it down to the point of boredom. My two favorite doorstops are the words “yes” and “no”. I try never to use them. Dialogue without those words speeds up. Here’s an example of a conversation between the hero, Grey, from my latest WIP and the heroine, Carrie:
“So you want my opinion?” She asked, impressed he had read her work.
“If you don’t mind. Can I pay for it with a nice dinner?” He asked, moving closer.
“Why not?” She agreed, feeling warmth in her body growing as he neared.
“How about Le Chien D’Or?” he asked, mentioning a chic French restaurant.
While “yes” was the implied answer to the questions, the word never actually appeared and the dialogued moved quickly. Here it is with doorstops added:
“So you want my opinion?” She asked, impressed he had read her work.
“Yes. If you don’t mind. Can I pay for it with a nice dinner?” He asked, moving closer.
“Yes,” She agreed, feeling warmth in her body growing as he neared.
“How about Le Chien D’Or?” he asked, mentioning a chic French restaurant.
Another example from the same WIP is this conversation between Grey, and his sister, Jenna:
“Are you still holding tight to your three criteria?”
“I told you, those were not negotiable.”
“So have you met anyone who fits any of those yet?”
“A new woman I met this week meets the first one.”
“Which one is that?”
“She’s smart. Very smart.”
“Good. Maybe she’ll be smart enough to figure out how to win you over.”
Again, without Grey ever saying “yes” to any of his sister’s questions he gets the agreement across without a doorstop slowing down the dialogue. The point is to keep the conversation moving. Here’s what it would look like with doorstops added.
“Are you still holding tight to your three criteria?”
“Yes. I told you, those were not negotiable.”
“So have you met anyone who fits any of those yet?”
“Yes. A new woman I met this week meets the first one.”
“Which one is that?”
“She’s smart. Very smart.”
“Good. Maybe she’ll be smart enough to figure out how to win you over.”
It may not seem like a big difference but the doorstop brings the conversation to a halt, only to then be started up again. When a character absolutely must indicate “yes” or “no” I may have them nod or shake their head instead of speak. This technique brings in the fourth point in the article, use silence. This doesn’t mean you never use “yes” and “no”, use them judiciously, make them count.
Sidestepping
Sidestepping wordiness by being brief, cutting out extraneous words combined with silence can be an effective way to communicate emotions and actions. It was used by Hemingway, a good enough endorsement for me. Here’s an example of dropping words from “Sunny Days, Moonlit Nights”:
“Want to hear one more from this lovely lady?” he asked.
The thunderous response kept Sunny onstage.
“Song Sung Blue?” he asked.
“But that’s your song!” she protested.
“Do it with me. It will be our song,” he said.
Confrontation
The article talks about using confrontation in dialogue. I use confrontational dialogue instead of exposition or narrative in “Sunny Days, Moonlit Nights” to show the antagonism, anger and unhappiness in Sunny’s marriage that made her run away:
“It’s about time you called,” he said in a loud, angry voice.
“Brad, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! You disappear into the night,
the police think I killed you, the newspapers have already tried and
convicted me…don’t tell me to calm down,” he yelled.
“Brad, if you don’t calm down, I’m hanging up the
phone…then I’m calling the newspapers and telling them you did
try to kill me and that’s why I ran away!” she countered.
“You wouldn’t dare!” he gasped.
“Try me, just try me,” she threatened in an angry tone, her
pulse racing her mouth dry.
Dialogue is an important part, a major part, of every book I write. I love the challenge of writing good dialogue, learning to drop words without losing the meaning, adding confrontation, using silence and keeping “doorstops” at bay. If I keep improving, perhaps I’ll become good enough at dialogue to write a play?
To find out more form Jean Joachim check her out here and come check out Astraea Press's website for new books every week.
Deuce adjusted his hold, catching her before she slid off the chair. Ellea could hear his voice, strained and anxious, but her mouth wouldn’t allow her to answer him. A freezing, aching sensation had settled in her brain and she couldn’t move her mind forward past the barrier or retreat out of the recesses of Deuce's memories. She was stuck.
