Wednesday with the Writers: Deleted Wedding Scene from Vala: Agendas by J.F. Jenkins

Hi :) We are going to start something new on the blog. Every Wednesday, we are going to have something special from an AP writer! Today's post is from J.F. Jenkins. It is the wedding scene from way back...

 

~Kelly

 

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WEDDING NIGHT

 

Nine hours later and it was finally time for them to rest.  Neither Anj nor Jewl would have ever guessed that a wedding would require so much time, work, and energy.  After all, the mechanics of it were all very simple: look nice, show up, say your vows, and then party.  That is what had happened, but of course there was always the Murphy’s Law factor to bring in as well.  There were issues with the clothes, and members of the wedding party had woken up on the wrong side of the bed that morning and decided to be particularly difficult, there were guests that caused emotions to run high, and there was the ever possibility that someone would show up that wasn’t supposed to be there.  Neither Anj, nor Jewl had invited their legal guardians.  Anj had decided to disown his mother.  Jewl was finally sticking it to her evil Aunt.  When it came time for the ceremony itself, the only snarl in the event was an unexpected stair that had caught Anj off guard.  He was saving his magic for the reception, as much as he wanted to use it to just stare at her all night, he knew he would need it more for then.  And of course, he spent more time dancing and visiting than eating, so he was incredibly hungry.  Not that he would have been able to eat if he had wanted to.  He was far too nervous for that.  Tonight was the night after all.  His night to finally be one with the woman that he loved more than anything.  His night to finally end three years of waiting, or even more accurately, a whole life time of waiting. 

 

The two had since changed out of their ceremony clothes.  Which was a shame in a way, because she looked absolutely gorgeous in her large and elaborate white dress.  She looked like a princess in so many ways, but much like he was uncomfortable in his tuxedo, he couldn’t imagine how she was feeling in her dress.  The only signs of her previous elegance that remained was that her hair was still done up in the same perfect pile of curls on top of her head with a few small jewels placed decoratively.  Otherwise, the two looked very plain in their jeans and t-shirt.

 

He grabbed the key to their hotel room for the night, a simple suite for them to rest in before they caught their flight the next day for their honeymoon, and unlocked the door before carefully maneuvering all of their luggage for the trip into the room.  He refused to let her do any work or lift a finger.

 

“I’m not helpless, I can-.”

 

“I obviously do not care,” he said quickly.  “Honestly, this is the kind of treatment I get for trying to be a gentleman?  I’ll remember in the future to not do anything nice or out of character that might make your life easier.”  He had to watch his mouth.  The last thing they needed was a fight.  They were both so drained that if that happened, there’d be a lot of unnecessary words thrown around and they’d end the night in the exact opposite kind of heat than he wanted it to end.  “Stay there.  I’m going to do this proper.”

 

“Proper?”  She asked confused, “What do you mean prop-.” But she never finished her thought as he whisked her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. 

 

“Aren’t I supposed to carry my bride over the threshold?”  He inquired before placing her onto the bed.  He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss, “Now, I believe it’s time for what we’ve been waiting for all night.”

 

“I think so too,” she said in agreement.

 

He smirked down at her, “Lay back, relax, and tell me what kind of toppings you’d like on your pizza.”  He watched as she settled onto the bed and nodded at him.  He was far too hungry to even think of anything else.  He was still nervous, but his need for food was starting to impair his ability to function properly.  They had all night right?  “I personally am feeling in the mood for some pepperoni, but I’m very adaptable as well.”

 

“Hmm,” she thought for a moment before laughing, “I’m fine with that.” She yawned, he could hear it, and it was deep which meant she was very fatigued.  “I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t order anything too fancy since neither of us got to enjoy it really.”

 

“I guess so!”  The room was difficult for him to move through.  He didn’t have much magic left.  What little he had was giving him massive headaches to use.  He would need a good solid night’s rest in order to regenerate enough to use it even more minutely than he was already.  He didn’t want to disturb or rely on her however.  He wanted her to rest more.  He took a quick flash in of the room and found the telephone, quickly memorized the number for room service and placed their order.  Some how he had managed to make it back to the bed without any help or problems.  He was greatly impressed with himself.  Nervously, he reached his hand out to her and placed it on her arm, running his fingers up and down her skin ever so gently.  The thought of food being on the way was enough to keep his stomach at bay.  It was promised sustenance and was now willing to behave.

 

“Well,” he said quietly.  “The chef said it would take forty-five minutes to an hour to make.”

 

Jewl didn’t respond outside of a quiet mumbled as she leaned in towards him.  She mumbled something else, and it took him a moment to realize that she was talking in her sleep.  This meant that she was barely conscious and had some how managed to slip into a lightly slumber in the ten minutes that it took for him to make a phone call.  Very disappointing.

 

He let out a deep sigh and reached over for the television remote.  The last thing he wanted to do was wake her up.  She was obviously very tired if she was falling asleep quickly.  Jewl was never a light or fast sleeper.  Making sure to keep the volume low, he yawned and waited for their late dinner.  Maybe after that, after both of their more urgent needs were met…maybe they’d both feel ready….

 

 

 

Vala:Agendas is available at all ebook retailers including Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Astraea Press

New Releases: "Heart", "Impeccable" and "Shifting Gears"

 

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Meet Danny, Alex, Josh, and Lacey from Battlefield of the Heart and see how the close friendships begin.

Danny Flynn is struggling to find a reason to live as the Afghanistan and Iraq wars continue to rage in his mind. Alex Dugan served with Danny in Iraq and is determined to help his former sergeant overcome his severe PTSD. When the Whitcomb University student veterans’ group gets together for an early spring picnic, Alex sees the perfect opportunity to get Danny out of the house and living again. But will Danny participate, or will his problems interfere?

 

BUY LINKS

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~*~*~*~

 

 

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When Anna Gissler runs away from her Peace Corps commitment, the only place this failure of a college grad can go is home to her small island town where the majority of the other twenty-something’s are directionless barflies. So she’s shocked to find the boy most likely to succeed, Dalton Brown — the same one she used to loathe — living back at home too. Only, he’s not so worthy of loathing now. In fact, he’s downright hot.

Dalton’s middle school crush on Anna is long gone. And he's determined not to fall under her spell again. So when he decides to spearhead a campaign to build a community center, he flatly refuses Anna’s offer of help. It's hard enough to avoid her in their small town. Working together would be too...tempting.

But with experience fundraising for large nonprofit organizations, Anna knows she’s perfect for the job. And she knows it’s her one chance to prove to him she’s not the shallow girl he now thinks she is. How can she help Dalton achieve his dream without him knowing? Because if he achieves his, she might just achieve her own dreams as well.

 

BUY LINKS

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~*~*~*~

 

 

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A cross-country bicycle trip is the last thing on Meg Albertson’s mind as she struggles to get through the first Christmas after her husband’s death. But Robert, her husband, attempts to control her even from the grave. On DVD, he dictates a plan to liberate his ashes and reunite Meg and her estranged son Josh. If they do accept the extraordinary challenge, can Meg and Josh survive a summer of togetherness without killing each other?

 

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The Grass May Be Greener, But.......

Courtesy of http://www.ericleetroyer.com

Writers spend time (sometimes years), money (books, workshops,       conferences, etc.), sweat (typing away, hours and hours) and tears (from painful critique and rejections) trying to get published. In this day and age, a manuscript has to be practically perfect in grammar, spelling and all the variables (few adverbs, varying sentences, yadda yadda). Writers enter contests and receive helpful (or not) feedback, revise and send in to editors or agents, then play the waiting game.

Once a writer gets “The Call” (or “The Email” in this day of e-book publishing), and accept, they land on the “other side” of the fence. Is the grass greener on the side of being a published author? YES!  You bask in a Sally Field-esque glow (They like me! They really like me!) and accept congratulations from friends, supporters, family and colleagues. You realize (eventually) that you’ll soon see your name in print on a book cover (or an e-book), which is exciting beyond compare. All your hard work is finally over. Right?

Wrong.

The grass in the published “field” may be greener, but it grows *faster* -- whether your book is coming out from the “big six” in NYC or a small press. Promotion is now in the hands of the author. Long ago, a bad cover could tank your book sales but it was out of your hands. Your editor could orphan you—leaving your book waiting to fit into another editor’s schedule. Now plenty of authors are controlling their own cover art and editing their own books to leave the final edits easier to handle. But promotion is still key.

Promotion can range from free to a huge expense (RT ads, chapter excerpts bound with covers, on-line radio time, etc.). The new author has to make a lot of decisions – just how much can I afford? What kind of giveaways should I offer? Do I join a huge blogfest? Do I attend a conference or workshop and offer to present a topic, or spend the money on a professionally designed website, or two, or three?

And then there’s the next book, waiting to be written.

So yes, the grass is greener, but it needs a lot more mowing. The dog and cat might get fed, but dinner may be late getting to the table, the laundry forgotten in the dryer, the kitchen floor still sticky while you, the new published author, plot and plan to build your platform, entice readers with tweets, Facebook and blog updates, and write. Congratulations and best of luck!

You’re gonna need it.

Meg Mims is a freelance writer and author of Double Crossing, a historical romantic suspense coming out from Astraea Press in August of 2011. Are you a True Grit fan? Then check out Double Crossing, http://www.double-crossing.com

Writer Wednesday: Writing Dialogue by Jean Joachim

         Too much of anything is bad listen to how Jean breaks down how to handle the dialogue plight so many writers face.

                     Writing dialogue

Too much narration, that’s my crime.

“Show, don’t tell,” said the editor…all editors! Action, not exposition! I like to write dialogue to show instead of tell. But dialogue can be tricky. Do you write the way we speak or differently? I was writing the way I speak and the dialogue slowed down to a crawl. Help! I found a great article from Writer’s Digest called, “The Seven Tools of Dialogue” and it changed my writing completely, winning me three book contracts.

I use some of the tools directly and made up some of my own, based on the advice of the article and what works for me. The article talks about letting dialogue flow, just write, write it all down as fast as you can. Don’t edit as you go, get it on paper. Afterward, read it aloud or to yourself or both and then begin editing. I write dialogue that way, going with the flow.

Doorstops

I try to eliminate what I call “doorstops” to dialogue, phrases stopping dialogue in its tracks, slowing it down to the point of boredom. My two favorite doorstops are the words “yes” and “no”. I try never to use them. Dialogue without those words speeds up. Here’s an example of a conversation between the hero, Grey, from my latest WIP and the heroine, Carrie:

“So you want my opinion?” She asked, impressed he had read her work.

            “If you don’t mind. Can I pay for it with a nice dinner?” He asked, moving closer.

            “Why not?” She agreed, feeling warmth in her body growing as he neared.

            “How about Le Chien D’Or?” he asked, mentioning a chic French restaurant.

            While “yes” was the implied answer to the questions, the word never actually appeared and the dialogued moved quickly. Here it is with doorstops added:

“So you want my opinion?” She asked, impressed he had read her work.

            “Yes. If you don’t mind. Can I pay for it with a nice dinner?” He asked, moving closer.

            “Yes,” She agreed, feeling warmth in her body growing as he neared.

            “How about Le Chien D’Or?” he asked, mentioning a chic French restaurant.

Another example from the same WIP is this conversation between Grey, and his sister, Jenna:

“Are you still holding tight to your three criteria?”

            “I told you, those were not negotiable.”

            “So have you met anyone who fits any of those yet?”

            “A new woman I met this week meets the first one.”

            “Which one is that?”

            “She’s smart. Very smart.”

            “Good. Maybe she’ll be smart enough to figure out how to win you over.”

            Again, without Grey ever saying “yes” to any of his sister’s questions he gets the agreement across without a doorstop slowing down the dialogue. The point is to keep the conversation moving. Here’s what it would look like with doorstops added.

“Are you still holding tight to your three criteria?”

            “Yes. I told you, those were not negotiable.”

            “So have you met anyone who fits any of those yet?”

            “Yes. A new woman I met this week meets the first one.”

            “Which one is that?”

            “She’s smart. Very smart.”

            “Good. Maybe she’ll be smart enough to figure out how to win you over.”

It may not seem like a big difference but the doorstop brings the conversation to a halt, only to then be started up again. When a character absolutely must indicate “yes” or “no” I may have them nod or shake their head instead of speak. This technique brings in the fourth point in the article, use silence. This doesn’t mean you never use “yes” and “no”, use them judiciously, make them count.

Sidestepping

Sidestepping wordiness by being brief, cutting out extraneous words combined with silence can be an effective way to communicate emotions and actions. It was used by Hemingway, a good enough endorsement for me. Here’s an example of dropping words from “Sunny Days, Moonlit Nights”:

“Want to hear one more from this lovely lady?” he asked.

The thunderous response kept Sunny onstage.

“Song Sung Blue?” he asked.

            “But that’s your song!” she protested.

“Do it with me. It will be our song,” he said.

Confrontation

The article talks about using confrontation in dialogue. I use confrontational dialogue instead of exposition or narrative in “Sunny Days, Moonlit Nights” to show the antagonism, anger and unhappiness in Sunny’s marriage that made her run away:

“It’s about time you called,” he said in a loud, angry voice.

“Brad, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! You disappear into the night,

the police think I killed you, the newspapers have already tried and

convicted me…don’t tell me to calm down,” he yelled.

“Brad, if you don’t calm down, I’m hanging up the

phone…then I’m calling the newspapers and telling them you did

try to kill me and that’s why I ran away!” she countered.

“You wouldn’t dare!” he gasped.

“Try me, just try me,” she threatened in an angry tone, her

pulse racing her mouth dry.

Dialogue is an important part, a major part, of every book I write. I love the challenge of writing good dialogue, learning to drop words without losing the meaning, adding confrontation, using silence and keeping “doorstops” at bay. If I keep improving, perhaps I’ll become good enough at dialogue to write a play?

To find out more form Jean Joachim check her out here and come check out Astraea Press's website for new books every week. 

 

Writer Wednesday: A Somewhat Magical Formula

It's Writer Wednesday here at Astraea Press and we are pleased to have Therese Gilardi guest posting about becoming published and the magic powers she employs for those endeavors. Take it over Therese...

A Somewhat Magical Formula

            Whenever people find out I’m a published writer they inevitably want to know how I managed to land my poems, prose and essays between the covers of numerous magazines, journals and book covers. Even those who disdain reading are curious. To some, becoming a published writer is a twenty-first century parlor trick, requiring some sort of sleight of hand or at least a lot of luck. Writers and non-writers alike insist there must be a secret handshake, or perhaps a how-to manual not available to the general public. I understand this mentality, for that’s how I thought when I first set pen to paper.

            Back in the day (that would be 2002), sending out queries meant that the writer had to spend hours pouring over publishers’ guidelines that were often out-dated by the time they hit bookstore and library shelves. These guidelines directed the writer where to send a cover letter, writing sample and the all-important SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope). Hours were spent crafting submission packets, which then had to be carted to and from the post office. Submitting a poem or short story was a labor intensive and often costly undertaking that required the patience of Job, since it was not at all unusual to hear of response times upwards of eighteen months. Ah, the good old days.

            I don’t think so. For, while today’s e-publishing marketplace does bring with it the peril of online piracy and the depressing demise of the brick-and-mortar bookstore, it also heralds a time of great opportunity for the writer. Online publishers’ guidelines make it a snap to find out where to submit that essay on the eating habits of iguanas or that short story about a talking baseball bat. The ability to contact potential publishers from any place with an Internet connection means far less time is spent going about the tedious task of formulating submissions packets, which frees up far more time for the writer to spend on developing her craft.  E-submissions equal less paper waste, generally much shorter response times and a more egalitarian process, since the cost of postage is no longer a barrier driving writers of lesser economic means from the marketplace.

            Since 2002 my work has appeared in print and online. There are advantages and disadvantages to both formats. While I’m convinced that there is still no perfect method for ensuring that a piece of work will ultimately reach the marketplace, I’m convinced that e-publishing has allowed many more writers to hone their craft and submit their work for consideration. Ultimately this means that far more writers are able to see their words in print. Which sounds to me like a pretty magical formula for success.

"What do you like best about e-publishing? What, if any, changes would you make to the e-publishing format?"

To Therese or find out more about her...click her name.